The shock factor here, is that being 18 years old was no where near as magical as I had fabricated it in my head to be. I still had a curfew, I still lived under my parents' roof, I still had to go to school and do homework. The only thing that did change was my age itself. My job sucked and I was tired all the time. I had more responsibilities and less time for fun. Ironically, the magical age of 18 years old (the age of freedom) wasn't very magical at all.
I recently turned 19 years old. I've been around the block and I've learned quite a few things. But tonight, I realized something. Wishing to be older doesn't solve anything.
I'm currently at a community college and that was one of the hardest things for me to deal with after I watched so many friends leave and go to universities. I felt like I was missing out on college. I stayed so bitter and so angry for so long. I watched my best friend move 6 hours away and go to the college she had always wanted to go to. Don't get me wrong, I am insanely proud of her. But it hasn't been easy knowing that I wanted so badly to be in her shoes. So the opportunity presented itself for me to live the same dream and leave a year early instead of doing the traditional 2 years at a community college. I had been angry, sad, frustrated and overall I just felt stuck. I jumped at the opportunity. Everyone said I couldn't do it. I guess that was just more motivation for me to do so. So I did it. I'm registered for classes at my university. I have a roommate and a room number. I have a bed spread picked out. But then it hit me.
Two of my best friends are still here. My mom is still here. I'm starting to make friends and find my place in all this chaos. I'm making amends with enemies. I'm restoring bridges that I burned with the mindset of me not being here next semester. Now I question every thing. I did it again... I wished my life away. I rushed this time in my life. I forced it to go by entirely too fast. Now I have to say goodbye to my life long best friends, my mom, my family, and one of the best guys I've ever met. Now I'm not sure if I'm really ready.
Rushing the next chapter in your life doesn't necessarily mean that it will make your life better. I seem to be learning that the hard way. I'm good at that though. I'm good at wishing to be 18 for 6 years and then missing the simplicity of age 12. I'm good at looking back on the good ole days and wishing they were still around. I'm really good at messing things up and making time fly by. I say all of this to say, don't wish your life away. Don't push friends away because you think life will be better somewhere else at some other time. Don't make promises when you're happy, and don't make decisions when you're angry. Make the best of the situation you are given. Learn new things. Make new friends. Branch out and do something different. And for the love of God, don't blink.
