When we are slandered; we answer kindly

Sometimes I question whether or not God has a sense of humor. But after some of the stupid things I've done in my life, I know he's got to. I'm fairly certain my lack of common sense is often times his comic relief of the day. I just know he's got to be sitting up there going, "Wow Katie you really didn't see that coming?" Or, "Hey Katie you should probably keep your mouth shut before you get into trouble." And he's probably been laughing and shaking his head since that time I was 3 years old and I told my grandmother she wasn't the boss of me. (And yes that really did happen.) Since that young age I've been telling my mom and most anyone who tried to help me, "I can do it by myself." And before those words ever exited my mouth, the good Lord knew exactly what He was dealing with. I wish I could say that I eventually got better at allowing people to help me and I became a total door mat and got really good at letting people walk all over me. Unfortunately that is not what happened.  I promise this whole thing isn't about how stubborn I am or how flustered I get when someone tries to "be the boss of me." This is about how I've had to learn that sometimes, I have to sit down and shut up.

I keep thinking that maybe one day I'll write an installment of this that won't be a lesson that God has taught me. Maybe I'll be able to write something about politics or things I want to tell my kids or maybe something I learned on my own. And this is another one of those times that He's up there laughing at me and saying, "Seriously Katie? Nothing you learn in this life that's not from me will really matter in the eternal perspective." So here I am with yet another lesson learned. Some I learned through my own actions, and some I learned through others. So here it goes.

I had to learn humility. Don't think for a second that I took it easily. I went down kicking and screaming and to be completely honest, I'm still not quite there yet. But I'm learning. About two weeks ago I was sitting at my house (with my mom. Go figure.) Sobbing and telling her "I can't do this, I can't do this." That's something that doesn't typically come out of my mouth. In fact, normally when people tell me I can't do something, that just pushes me even more to prove to myself that I can. (Ex. Going to a university a year early and getting all scholarships when people said I couldn't. Can I get an amen?) Also referring to the first blog I posted, my mom is still right. So she looked at me and said, "You're right. You can't. And you  know whose help you need."
I've always heard people say "God won't give you more than you can handle." I'm here to tell you that that saying is 100% not true. He will absolutely give you more than you can handle. I just got way more than I can handle, and I'd go as far as to say I'm a pretty tough person. He allowed it... (Notice I said allow. He doesn't MAKE bad things happen to you. He just allows it.) He didn't allow it because He hates me or because he enjoys watching me squirm. But sometimes it takes a lot more than we can handle before we look up and say, "Hey I can't do this and I need your help." Often times, it's a mess that we've gotten into ourselves. But one of the things about having a gracious, loving savior, is that he still wants to help, even when we screw up. We have a thing above our sink in the kitchen that says, "God doesn't give you what you can handle. He helps you handle what you are given."
  There will always be SOMEONE in your life that makes it difficult. A boss, an employee, a professor, a family member and sometimes even a friend. I've had my share of being talked down to, and it's one of those things that I don't take very well. Unfortunately that's one thing He's taught me.  The human in me wants to stomp my foot and stand up for myself. But what He says in 1 Corinthians 4:12 is this. "When we are cursed, we bless; when we are persecuted, we endure it; when we are slandered, we answer kindly. We have become the scum of the earth, the garbage of the world-right up to this moment." The whole chapter is about the Nature of True Apostleship (it's hard stuff.) Put simply, this verse says that people are going to talk down to you and talk bad about you. Whether or not you deserve it doesn't matter. Humble yourselves and love them anyway. Talk about a sucker punch to the stomach. I do not want to do that. And it's an every day thing that I have to tell myself to breathe and to love the unlovely. I mean I'm a sinner. I'm the most unlovely of them all and He still loves me. So I kinda have to love whether I want to or not. We love because he first loved us.  It's okay to be upset, and it's okay to be hurt when someone intentionally hurts you and your feelings. But it's not okay to respond in the same way. Be humble and endure it. This isn't to say let people walk all over you and treat you badly. Don't confuse humility with being a human punching bag. But instead of having a verbal response, set an example in life in love in faith and in purity. Make them wonder why you're so different.

Ocassioally the grass is greener... and your mom is always right

 So the last time I edited this blog was May of 2014. It’s currently December of 2014 and I have a good bit of catching up to do. So since then... I have enrolled as a sophomore at the college that I’ve been incredibly stoked about for about a year now. I had been waiting to leave my community college since the day I started, and I did it (as well as with a full ride to the university. God is good.) I did something crazy and fell in love with a guy who is currently enrolled in a military college 13 hours away from me. (Don’t worry I graduated high school with him. I did not meet him on a strange, internet dating site.)  I see him frequently enough to keep me sane and he’s amazing. I joined Delta Delta Delta sorority, and I have met some of the most incredible people I’ve ever known. I am still just a close with my high school best friend as I always have been. My relationship with my parents is incredible. I say all this to say… life is great. I’ve been blessed beyond measure and I have the most incredible life I could possibly ask for. And why do I say all of that? To show how much has changed since I last wrote.

 Reflecting on the last things I’ve posted, I don’t disagree with any of it. In fact the Lions and Sheep post is something I have to remind myself of all the time. (Spoiler alert: Ignorant people do not evaporate once you go to college.) I did notice in a previous post that I said the grass may not always be greener on the other side. As it turns out, when it comes to a university vs a community college, the grass is significantly greener. So I was wrong there. But the thing is, I have all of these amazing things going for me, but there’s still this tiny voice in the back of my head trying to mess everything up.

            I’m writing this (as a now 20 year old) to say that your mother is always right. Okay, well most of the time, your mother is right. But MY mother, is always right. At the age of now 20.. (have I mentioned that I’m 20 yet?) I still call my mom every day. Two days ago I called her bawling my eyes out because I was upset about something entirely too insignificant for me to be upset about. But I’m a female so I can partly blame it on that. I’m also partly blaming it on the fact that it’s finals week and sanity is in short supply. But I called her for advice and basically said, “This is eating me alive. Please tell me that it’s going to be okay and please empathize with me.” My mother is a very kind, loving woman. Unfortunately I’m as stubborn as they come so when it comes to giving me advice, she has to hurt my feelings a little bit to get me to really listen. The basic summary went something like this, “Katie, you are freaking out over nothing. You are responsible for your own actions and no one else’s. You have everything going for you so what does that mean? Satan wants to steal your joy.  And you are letting him do it.” I instantly realized a few things. The first thing I realized was that I called the wrong person for sympathy. I called the wrong person to tell me what I wanted to hear. But she’s supposed to tell me hard things. She is supposed to give me grown up answers to grown up situations that I deal with. The next thing I realized, was that she was 100% right.  Satan is the ruler of the earth. The book of John talks about how he comes to steal, kill and destroy. Which is yet another reason it’s important to put on your armor and pick up your cross every single day. And if he can’ t make you sin; he’ll just make you busy. He’ll make you too busy to spend time with the Prince of Peace and he will cause strife and worry in your life. And guess what college makes you: really, really busy.  The other part of that verse is that he comes like a thief in the night. If he showed up and had a red flashing sign that said, “I have come to steal your joy, please comply.” It would be really easy to spot. Unfortunately, we never see it coming. The way that I was letting him steal my joy was letting crap creep up on all my social media that upset me. I was letting myself get way too upset about stuff that does not matter. I sat in my car and cried for another hour. Not because I was still sad or upset. But because I had gotten so distracted and busy that I had forgotten what it was like to just sit and listen to God and talk to Him. I had been so caught up in my life and what I was doing and what other people were doing that I had forgotten that the only way I will ever find true peace and true comfort is in Him. Sometimes it takes my mom’s tough love to show me things like that.

            It’s been a total 48 hours since that happened and I deleted those social media apps off of my phone. (Not permanently.) But I didn’t do it because social media is evil. I didn’t do it because my mom told me it was a good idea. I did it because I spent entirely too much time on it. Satan saw it as a foothold as a way to suck me into depression, and he took it. The cool thing about fasting from things you really need to fast from: is that it’s not easy to do. I pick up my phone about 15 times a day with the intentions of checking Instagram and Twitter. I’ve actually come really close to downloading it again just to check up on everything (And by the way it’s only been 48 hours if that’s any indication as to how often I was on it.) The only reason I don’t is because I literally had to lay what was bothering me at the foot of the cross and say. “Please take it. I can’t deal with this on my own and I need your help.”  I know what you’re thinking. “Isn’t that a bit much for two social media apps?” Nah. The cool thing about Jesus is that He cares. To you, it may not seem like much. To me, it was a distraction and every time I got on, I would make myself sick over something as small as a “like.”  He doesn’t think it’s silly. So here I am, at the end of the first semester of my first year away from home, reminding myself that nothing is too small for Him to care about. I had lost track of who I am and where my identity lies. The fact of the matter is that my identity doesn’t lie in what tweets get “favorited” or who “likes” my pictures or who doesn’t. My identity lies in Christ and what He did for me. Am I perfect? No. Will I ever be? No. Will I lose track of this again? More than likely. The other cool thing about Jesus is that his love is relentless and so is His grace.

 

            With all of that terribly drawn out story: I’ll close with this.

*Nothing is too small for Him to care about. I promise He wants to help you.

* Social media is not as big of a deal as everyone makes it out to be. And if it’s possible for you to take a break from it, I suggest doing so. It’s cool to see the world without a phone in front of your face.

* Will it matter 10 years from now? Will it matter in the eternal perspective?

* BE ON YOUR GUARD. Any way that Satan can steal your joy, he will. Don’t let it happen.

* Anything that you can’t do on your own, there’s a reason you can’t. Lay it at the cross.

* Universities are better that high school AND community colleges. If you’re struggling, hang in there. I promise it’s better.

*Oh and your mom? She’s always right.

“The past is a ghost, the future a dream and all we ever have is now.”

Time is such a fragile concept. In our subconscious minds, we can wish it away or make it seem to last forever.. but never in the appropriate circumstances of course. We can make an 8 hour work day feel like 12. But when you're with someone that you could spend all of your time with, an hour can seem to last merely a second. Time can heal a broken heart. It can be the reason a friendship ends.
It can be terrifying. 
    3 months may seem like a monstrosity of an amount of time while waiting for school to let out for summer. It can seem like a tiny sliver of time when realizing that you only have that much time left to be with friends and family. For a student in college, that deadline in school that's 2 weeks away may seem to offer all the time in the world. For a soon to be bride, those same 2 weeks may seem like a rapidly approaching freight train of preparation that won't relent on its arrival.
 But those 2 weeks will come. Those 3 months will also come. They will come and they will pass.
 No matter how dreadfully far away or how substantially close any given amount of time may seem, it will come.

 However, the fact still remains that it is a gift. It can very well be wasted. Those 3 months can be taken for granted. The days can be drowned in sorrow and pity. Friendships and relationships can end over the lack of time, and the fear of how quickly that time may come to a screeching halt. That time can also be enjoyed and well spent.
 Every milli-second can be spent with the intention of making the most of every single one. That time can be taken to make summer memories that will last a lifetime. It can be spent making new friends or falling in love. We don't always make the most of the time that we have. But living in fear won't make it pass any slower, and living in anticipation won't make it pass more quickly. We're only given so much time in this life. And with that time we're given 2 options on how to use it. But if we're smart, we make the most of it.

Don't Blink

For as long as I can remember, I've wished for the next chapter in my life to begin. When I was 14, I wanted to be 15 and have my permit. Once I had my permit I wanted to be 16 and have my intermediate. Once I was 16 I wanted my full license. Then I turned 17 and I wanted to be 18. I finally turned 18. Which I had actually been craving this moment since I was 13 years old.
    The shock factor here, is that being 18 years old was no where near as magical as I had fabricated it in my head to be. I still had a curfew, I still lived under my parents' roof, I still had to go to school and do homework. The only thing that did change was my age itself. My job sucked and I was tired all the time. I had more responsibilities and less time for fun. Ironically, the magical age of 18 years old (the age of freedom) wasn't very magical at all.
   I recently turned 19 years old. I've been around the block and I've learned quite a few things. But tonight, I realized something. Wishing to be older doesn't solve anything.
  I'm currently at a community college and that was one of the hardest things for me to deal with after I watched so many friends leave and go to universities. I felt like I was missing out on college. I stayed so bitter and so angry for so long. I watched my best friend move 6 hours away and go to the college she had always wanted to go to. Don't get me wrong, I am insanely proud of her. But it hasn't been easy knowing that I wanted so badly to be in her shoes.  So the opportunity presented itself for me to live the same dream and leave a year early instead of doing the traditional 2 years at a community college. I had been angry, sad, frustrated and overall I just felt stuck. I jumped at the opportunity. Everyone said I couldn't do it. I guess that was just more motivation for me to do so. So I did it. I'm registered for classes at my university. I have a roommate and a room number. I have a bed spread picked out. But then it hit me.

Two of my best friends are still here. My mom is still here. I'm starting to make friends and find my place in all this chaos. I'm making amends with enemies. I'm restoring bridges that I burned with the mindset of me not being here next semester. Now I question every thing. I did it again... I wished my life away. I rushed this time in my life. I forced it to go by entirely too fast. Now I have to say goodbye to my life long best friends, my mom, my family, and one of the best guys I've ever met. Now I'm not sure if I'm really ready.

Rushing the next chapter in your life doesn't necessarily mean that it will make your life better. I seem to be learning that the hard way. I'm good at that though. I'm good at wishing to be 18 for 6 years and then missing the simplicity of age 12. I'm good at looking back on the good ole days and wishing they were still around. I'm really good at messing things up and making time fly by. I say all of this to say,  don't wish your life away. Don't push friends away because you think life will be better somewhere else at some other time. Don't make promises when you're happy, and don't make decisions when you're angry. Make the best of the situation you are given. Learn new things. Make new friends. Branch out and do something different. And for the love of God, don't blink.

"Lions don't lose sleep over the opinions of sheep."

"Lions don't lose sleep over the opinions of sheep."

      So last week I saw this quote written on a co-worker's dry erase board at her desk. As soon as I saw it, I realized how logical this statement really is and how applicable to our lives it can be. So let's think about this for a second.... 
  Also known as "The king of the jungle," the average lion stands 4 feet tall, 5-8 feet in length, and can weigh anywhere from 330-500 pounds. Its roar can be heard from over 5 miles away and their top speed has been recorded at up to 50 mph. There is a reason these carnivores are called the kings of the jungle. And if for some reason I had the opportunity to get near a full grown lion without a fence in between us, I'm 110% sure that you can count me out of taking advantage of that opportunity.
 Now let's talk about sheep... 
      As much as we love the heart warming movie Babe about the lovable pig and all of his sheep friends, I'm sure we can all agree that sheep are not nearly as impressive as the rulers of the animal kingdom. The average weight of these grazing animals is 150-200 pounds, and usually stand between 2-3 feet tall. And there really isn't a recorded speed because.. well... they don't run. Also I'd like to add that sheep can be herded in large groups by one border collie alone. I personally love border collies but if we're being completely honest, they usually aren't very intimidating. So a herd of sheep, which can range from 5-50 of them, obey the commands of a dog that is very close to the same size as them, simply because they won't stand against it. In the human world we have a word for that... it's a coward.

Now why have I been rambling on about sheep and lion facts? Let's put it in imaginary terms for a second. Say that all of the animated movies about talking animals, and all of the animals in the kingdom living in harmony, are in fact true. (Keep in mind the animal statistics during this.) So the leader of a pride of lions has decided on a mate. He's decided that THIS is who he wants to raise lion cubs with and to stand by his side while leading the pride. But off to the side, there is a group of sheep. They're gossiping about this lioness that he has chosen and they really do not approve of his choice (for whatever irrelevant reason they can think of), even though they would never say this to the lion's face. The lion overhears, hangs his head, walks slowly back to his pride and immediately rethinks his decision.

So.. this 400 pound, 50 mph beast, is legitimately reconsidering his decision based on what a weak, cowardly sheep thinks about it. A sheep. Honestly... how ridiculous does that sound?

In the animal kingdom, this would be settled very quickly and very gorily. The sheep would be eaten alive and there would be no alternate opinions stated on the lion's choice of mate.

However, as humans, we don't live in a world where those sheep in our lives can be eliminated within the second. We live amongst them every day and because we are the domesticated ones in this story, we have to learn to tolerate them.  Not all of us may be CEO's at our corporations or be the most popular person in high school, but we still walk amongst sheep. Now, just because you may not particularly care for a person, doesn't make them a sheep. Look at the characteristics of a sheep. They stick together in herds almost all the time, and even while in these large groups, they still obey the commands of a relatively small canine. They are even weaker alone. They scatter in the face of danger or confrontation. They would rather run along side the rest of the sheep instead of stand against the crowd. They may talk about how they plan on standing up to that border collie one day, but trust me, it will never happen. These are the sheep in your life.

So be a lion. 

• Don't be afraid to stand alone and be the leader of a "pride" so to speak. 
• Make your decisions based on what YOU think, what YOU believe to be true, and what YOU want to do. 
• Take into consideration the opinions of the rest of your pride. They have your best interest at heart.
• Be confident in yourself and in the choices that you make. 
• Have a rock solid faith that makes it impossible to listen to the sheep's sucky opinions. 
• Don't lose sleep over what an ignorant, bigoted, selfish, cowardly, self seeking, or irrelevant person (or sheep) thinks about you or anything in your life. 
• Have a voice, a platform or a valued opinion that has such an impact that it can be heard from miles away, much like a lions roar. (figuratively of course.) 

So go to the college that YOU want to go to. Wear the clothes that YOU want to wear. Be passionate about what YOU want to be passionate about. (As long as it's in the plans of the real leader of our pride.) Because let's be honest, the people that are spending their time critiquing what you do have already admitting to being sheep. So let them talk. Let them tell lies and make up stories. Let them play the victim in their situations of life. Because as long as sheep have opinions, lions absolutely will not care. Learn to spot them and to pay them no mind. 

And as innocent and irrelevant as the sheep's agenda may seem, don't always overlook them. Always beware of the wolf in sheep's clothing.  

Soap Box Intro

   Social media began as nothing more than simple ways to share photos, updates on life, and maybe a few quotes or thoughts with family members or old friends. The problem, however, is that people have created Facebook and Twitter accounts to use as nothing short of a soapbox. As many times as I've been tempted to verbally combat with some of the ignorance I see on these sites, somehow I always manage to talk my self out of doing so.
    I do believe that everyone needs a place to vent, and let their thoughts be heard at times. However, I also believe that there are some thoughts better left "un-posted." Everyone needs a soapbox and everyone deserves to be heard. I chose to not have my soapbox on Facebook or any other kind of site that is meant for pictures and innocent updates on day to day life. No one is forced to read this nor does it involuntarily show up on your news feed. So here's my blog, my soapbox and my overall thoughts on issues I face in my every day life. Enjoy.